I imagine that people think being married to a cop is pretty cool... you get to hear all the scoop, all the juicy stuff ahead of everyone else. Well, sometimes we do but it's usually nothing to celebrate. Usually it's something like this week where someone jumped off the bridge in town. Actually I think I heard that first on facebook, but my husband was working and then I get the facts. Most of the time it is a burden to carry and I am saddened for the family and wonder how my husband can take this reality up close and personal. They usually brush things off or joke about things to deal with it.
Although my husband doesn't say much about his work, whenever there is a baby involved it seems to hit a nerve of some kind because he will mention these to me. One year he seemed to get these calls a lot and he wondered out loud if he was cursed or something... that every call he went on, the baby died. I thought about it for a moment and said to him that maybe he was meant to be there for the family, so that he could help the family while he was on this call.
Usually it's not that serious. Sometimes it's about puppies (all dogs are puppies in my book). I'm pretty sure that most of the department loves dogs (I guess there are a few that don't). When they find a lost dog, they really do feel bad and want to find the owner before they have to bring them to the shelter. I don't know how many pets we've 'almost' had because my husband fell in love with a lost dog or cat (or bird for that matter).
So besides the false glamor front, sometimes it feels like I am doing time. Like I am locked up and kept from having a normal life. Here we are on a major holiday weekend: I have grown up knowing what you do on major holidays. You spend time with your family, maybe go visit your parents, get together with friends. But it is a time to be together with the ones you care about. As a cops wife, many of the major holidays are spent without your husband. I'm sure this can be said for many people whose spouse works shifts. It used to upset me to go to get togethers alone, or school functions for the kids and see all the other 'families' together while I was 'single mothering' it.
I guess over the years you just come to accept things and this is just one of them. This weekend especially since my husband originally had off, but knowing we had no big plans accepted two days of overtime. So what was going to be a semi-normal holiday (in my book) has become a very long weekend.
Not to say that I don't have things to do. I have learned to enjoy the quiet time (although at the end of a long weekend things are a little too quiet). Maybe this is why I am so into my garden or for that matter talk about my dogs too much. Now that I am blogging, I will probably blog too much on these long weekends! I have learned to enjoy whatever is in front of me, even if that is a very long weekend.
When our kids were teenagers, I remember feeling like I was in jail. With my husband working, if I were to go out, we were sure to have a party in our house. *Gasp!* you say. Cops kids getting in trouble with the law? Aren't cops kids supposed to be perfect? Let's just say our son learned never to run from the cops, they really don't like that, and in the end they will have you regardless with extra penalties for running. So I picked up guitar. I would spend my Friday evenings playing the guitar and singing and writing songs.
I used to run around more, but now have chosen not to be so busy. Our kids are also older and gone, so there isn't the push to entertain them so much on holidays. So I do time. I still go to visit my family alone, but for long holiday weekends when there isn't always a lot going on (in our town), I stay home for the rest of the weekend.
|Husband Tony & Tazer, the wanna-be Police Dog|
As much as I have fought this 'doing time', I have learned to accept and embrace it. How many of us wish we were just free to do whatever we wanted? How many times did I lock myself in the bathroom when the kids were little just to get a little alone time? How many times did I wish I could just take a nap? I have learned to cherish the times when our family can be all together, and have learned to go with the flow if not just a little bit when we can't.
Maybe I'll learn to play the harp.